Peer coaching triads: coach, coachee, observer

How a coaching triad works

For the next three weeks you'll practise coaching in a group of three. In each round one of you is the coach, one is the coachee and one is the observer. After each round you rotate, so in every session each of you takes each role once. If your group has four people, you run four shorter rounds of 15 minutes (9 coaching, 4 feedback, 2 reflection) with two observers each round, so each of you still coaches once and is coachee once.

The coachee brings a real topic: something current, that matters to them, and that they can do something about. Not a crisis, and not a topic about someone else in your triad. The coach's job is to help the coachee think, mostly by asking questions and listening. The observer says nothing during the coaching, takes notes, and leads the feedback afterwards.

In a triad, every round takes 20 minutes. Coaching, 12 minutes: the coach keeps time and closes by asking the coachee what they'll take away. Feedback, 5 minutes: the coach says first what they think went well and what they'd change, then the coachee says what helped them, then the observer gives their notes. Reflection, 3 minutes: everyone writes their round reflection before you rotate. In a group of four the same three parts take 9, 4 and 2 minutes, and both observers give notes.

What's said in a coachee's topic stays in the triad. Feedback is about the coaching, never about the coachee's topic.

This week's skill: listen and ask open questions

This week the coach practises one thing: helping the coachee think without giving advice. Most new coaches fix too soon. They hear the problem, recognise it, and offer the answer that worked for them. The coachee nods, and stops thinking.

Ask open questions, one at a time, and keep them short: "What's going on?" "What have you tried?" "What matters most to you here?" "What else?" Then wait. When the coachee stops talking, count to five before you speak. The useful part often comes after the pause.

Every few minutes, play back what you heard in the coachee's own words: "So the part that worries you is telling the team before the plan is final." It shows you've listened, and it lets the coachee correct you.

If you notice you're about to give advice, turn it into a question: not "You should talk to your manager", but "Who could help with this?"

How to observe and give feedback

When you're the observer, you have the most useful seat in the triad: you can see the conversation without having to run it. Don't take part. Sit back, keep your camera on, and write down what the coach says and does, in their words.

Watch for the week's skill. Count the questions the coach asks, and note which are open ("What would help?") and which are closed or are advice in disguise ("Have you thought about delegating?"). Note when the coachee's energy changed, and what the coach had just said. Note one moment when the coach listened well, and one when they could have waited longer.

Give your feedback last, after the coach and coachee have spoken, and keep it to two or three points. Make each one specific: what you saw or heard, and the effect it had. "When you asked 'What else?' the second time, she named the real issue" helps. "Good questions" doesn't. End with one thing the coach could try in their next round.

Topics to bring as coachee

1. Write three topics you could bring as coachee, one for each week. Each should be current, matter to you, and be something you can act on.
2. For each topic, write one sentence on why it matters to you now.
3. Which topic will you bring this week?
4. Is there anything about your topics you don't want to share in the triad? Leave it out, and pick a topic you're comfortable with.
5. As a coach, what's the habit you most want to change? (For example: giving advice, talking too much, asking two questions at once, filling silences.)

Before your first triad session

• Read the three lessons for this week
• Fill in your topics worksheet
• Put all three practice sessions in your calendar
• Find out who is in your triad and agree which of you coaches first
• Have somewhere to take notes for the round (or two, in a group of four) you observe

Round reflection

1. Which role did you have in this round? (Coach, coachee or observer)
2. In this role, how well did the round go for you? (1 = not well, 5 = very well)
3. What's one thing that worked in this round?
4. What's one thing you'd do differently next time you have this role?

Observer notes

1. Which week is this, and who did you observe as coach?
2. How many questions did the coach ask, roughly, and how many were open?
3. Write one moment when the coach listened well, and what happened next.
4. Write one moment when the coach gave advice, or could have waited longer.
5. What's the one thing you suggested the coach try next time?

Week 1 check-in

1. How useful was this week's practice for you? (1 = not at all, 5 = very)
2. How comfortable did you feel coaching without giving advice? (1 = not at all, 5 = very)
3. What did you learn about your own coaching this week?
4. Is anything about your triad getting in the way of practice? (For example: timing, a missed session, a topic that felt too personal.)

Practice session 1: listening and open questions

75 minutes. Opening, 5: the lead explains the round structure and the week's skill, and names the triads. Rounds, 60, in triads (breakout rooms if you meet on one call): three rounds of 20 (12 coaching, 5 feedback, 3 to submit the round reflection), or four rounds of 15 (9, 4, 2) in a group of four, rotating roles after each. Close, 10, with the whole group: one person from each triad shares one thing they noticed about listening, and the lead reminds everyone to submit their observer notes.

You add this call once the Events app is on the program: see “Then add the weekly practice sessions” below.

This week's skill: help the coachee choose an action

Last week you practised listening. This week you'll use the same questions to help the coachee move from talking about a topic to deciding what to do about it. Keep listening first: an action chosen too early is often the wrong one.

Use four steps, roughly in this order, and spend most of your coaching time on the first three. Goal: "What would you like to have by the end of our conversation?" Now: "Where are things today? What have you tried?" Options: "What could you do? What else? What would you do if you weren't worried about getting it wrong?" Action: "Which one will you do, and by when?"

Let the coachee choose the action and the date. If the action is big, ask: "What's the first step you could take this week?" Close the round by asking the coachee to say the action back in one sentence.

Observer: notes on structure

This week, as observer, add one column to your notes: which step the conversation was in, minute by minute. Did the coach agree a goal for the coaching time? How long did they stay on "now" before moving to options? Did options come from the coachee, or from the coach? Did the round end with an action, a date and the coachee's own words?

In your feedback, point to the moment the conversation moved forward, and the moment it stalled. Keep it to two or three points, each with what you saw and the effect it had, and end with one thing the coach could try next time.

My coaching so far

1. Read your round reflections from week 1. What do they say about you as a coach?
2. What feedback did you get from your observer in week 1? Write it in their words.
3. Which of the four steps (goal, now, options, action) do you find hardest to do well?
4. What will you do differently in this week's coaching round?
5. Which topic will you bring as coachee this week?

Week 2 check-in

1. How useful was this week's practice for you? (1 = not at all, 5 = very)
2. How well did your coachee leave your round with a clear action? (1 = no action, 5 = a clear action and date)
3. As coachee, what action did you commit to this week, and by when?
4. Is anything about your triad getting in the way of practice?

Practice session 2: from topic to action

75 minutes. Opening, 5: the lead introduces the four steps and asks each triad to rotate in a different order from week 1, so each person coaches a different partner. Rounds, 60, in triads: three rounds of 20 (12 coaching, 5 feedback, 3 to submit the round reflection), or four of 15 (9, 4, 2) in a group of four, rotating after each. Close, 10: each triad shares one question that moved a conversation forward. The lead reminds coachees they'll be asked about their action next week.

You add this call once the Events app is on the program: see “Then add the weekly practice sessions” below.

This week's skill: challenge with care

By week 3 you know each other's topics and you've built some trust. That's what makes it possible to challenge: to say what you notice, even when it isn't comfortable to hear.

Start the round by asking the coachee how last week's action went, and listen without judging. Then, if you notice something, say it as an observation and hand it back: "You've said 'I should' four times. What do you want?" or "Last week you chose to talk to the team, and this week the plan is to wait. What changed?"

Challenge the thinking, never the person. Ask permission if it helps: "Can I say what I'm noticing?" Then stop talking and let the coachee answer. If they push back, that's fine: ask what's true for them.

Observer: the final feedback round

In this last session, as observer, look at the whole three weeks as well as this round. Before the session, read your observer notes from weeks 1 and 2 on the person you'll observe, if you observed them before.

In your feedback, say what you saw in this round, then one thing that has changed in their coaching since week 1. Be specific, and keep it short: the coach will remember one clear point longer than five general ones.

Week 3 check-in

1. How useful was this week's practice for you? (1 = not at all, 5 = very)
2. How confident are you coaching now, compared with week 1? (1 = less confident, 5 = much more confident)
3. As coachee, what did you commit to this week?

Wrap-up reflection

1. Look back at the coaching habit you wanted to change in week 1. Where does it stand now?
2. Which round, in any role, taught you the most, and why?
3. What's the most useful feedback you got from an observer?
4. What did you learn from being the observer that you'll use as a coach?
5. What did you get from bringing your own topics as coachee?
6. What will you keep practising, and with whom? (For example: keep meeting as a triad every two weeks.)

Practice session 3: challenge and wrap-up

75 minutes. Opening, 5: the lead introduces challenge with care. Rounds, 60, in triads: three rounds of 20 (12 coaching, starting from last week's action, 5 feedback, 3 to submit the round reflection), or four of 15 (9, 4, 2) in a group of four, rotating after each. Close, 10: each person says one thing that has changed in their coaching, and each triad decides whether to keep meeting.

You add this call once the Events app is on the program: see “Then add the weekly practice sessions” below.